Cope With Grieving

I have heard much about the “bad” days people have when in their grieving. I remember them well. These are the days when things are worse than usual.

These are the days when the waves seem to wash over you just a little harder with no end in sight. These are the days when the tears just seem to want to flow without stopping. Possibly you feel like sobbing without stopping and you can find no tears left in you.

The statement is often made, “This has been a bad day”.

So what does one do when the days feel worse than usual and your heart feels like it is going to break into a million pieces on the floor?

These are the days to be gentle with you. These are the days to allow others to comfort you. These are the days to swim your way through in whatever way you need to.

These days will come and go, and over time there will be fewer and fewer of them. So be in your bad days and allow your grief. Allow your tears to heal you and allow others to help. For this is what these days are for.

Peace to you in the days when you feel like you cannot go on. Just know that the “Healer of your Soul” holds you just a bit tighter and closer on those days. You are not alone.

Sometimes when we are grieving we hardly can get our bodies to move. Sometimes moving is the farthest thing from our minds. We just want to sit and curl up and pretend the day is not starting.

Most of us…even you…can put one very heavy foot before the other and move any ways. For the first while, every move can hurt when grief is so fresh with us.

Movement is important in the grieving process. It helps our grief to move. We need to move our bodies and as we do, our grieving souls begin to move.

We need to do some things even if our souls feel like they have been left behind. We may even need to force ourselves. Yet as we begin to move back into life… movement begins to feel easier.

I am a strong believer that as we move our bodies…our souls heal…even when we don’t think they are. Sometimes when we move we find ourselves crying especially on a walk or a run.

So go to the movie or for a walk or a drive. You are going to hurt anyways. Move the grief in you so it can heal.

Some days are just as they are. Some moments are just as they are. We have moments of “missing”. We have moments of laughter often followed by moments of extreme sadness. Then sometimes we experience an angry moment. Often these unexpected feelings come unawares, as if to sneak up on us.

These feelings are such natural parts of the grieving process although it sure may not feel like it at the time. Sometimes folks even feel like they are going nuts with the different emotions that seem to be so intense. Some feel afraid that they are going crazy. I have heard this lots. Yet you are experiencing some very, very normal things and so you are in very, very good company.

When your emotions and feelings come and go like this. Just move with them. When you need to feel sad…just do so (a good cry is so very good for the grieving soul). If you need to be mad…then be angry (Just don’t hurt anyone else in the process). Move graciously with your grief, honoring your feelings and your process.

When you feel overwhelmed just remind yourself that this is normal. You will survive this. You will indeed heal in time, if you allow and honour your feelings. Just take your grieving feelings with a deep breath of patience. May you feel the closeness of the loving arms of the “Healer of your Soul” in these dark times.

Often in the grieving process, things change from one day to the next, one moment to the next. It is even difficult to answer the question - “How are you doing?” As you might be fine that moment (whatever fine is) and not really sure the next. It is really such an unpredictable experience. At least it feels like it.

Some feel so victim to their feelings and circumstances. Others feel hopeless in the helplessness of it all. You might seem to be able to take charge and make choices that are healthy and even happy one moment. In the next moment you might feel like you are just plain shipwrecked and definitely sea-sick.

Just know that these kind of feelings are very normal. Just be with each experience, and know that you will move through it; if you are being healthy in it. When you are sad…be sad. When you are mad…be mad. And so on.

Just don’t allow your sadness to take over your whole being; as you will be creating helplessness. Don’t allow your anger to bring you to the place where you hurt yourself or others. You have more control over this process than you think. Your mind is a very powerful friend in this process.

Try to find a balance in your grieving and you will find balance in your grieving, hurting soul.

* The next time your sadness overwhelms you…feel it for a time, then allow yourself to move into doing something that brings life to your soul (even if you don’t feel that it is possible). It is amazing how this movement can help your feelings move too.

Feelings come and go like the wind. When we grieve, feelings can be overwhelming. It can be hard to know how we feel. One moment things may even seem ok… or even good… Then the waves come and we are overcome with the unimaginable strength of our feelings.

Sometimes others are uncomfortable with feelings and want you to move too quickly out of feeling sad. But, sadness is a very normal part of grieving, as is anger, and loneliness, and so many other feelings. When we lose someone we love…feelings of all sorts come to the surface.

Feelings need no judgement. They are just what they are…”feelings”. They are to be honoured and felt in whatever way we need to feel them. When we pay attention to our feelings and allow ourselves to safely feel them, we find healing. When we ignore our feelings and expect ourselves to move too quickly through our grief, they will catch up with us later.

Make sure you give yourself and those around you permission to feel their grief. Don’t rush this process or let others rush it for you. If you find yourself stuck in your feelings ask someone to help you move through them.

Remember… BE with your feelings. Feel them. Let them move through you to healing.

There are so many ways to do this grieving process. One person manages it one way and another person in the very same type of situation…deals with it so differently. This is because we are truly very unique and come from such a variety of backgrounds.

People sometimes look at someone who is grieving and have some ideas about how they should be going through their process. Some might say, “move on…you are not moving on”, when it is only a few months since the death. Others might say, “you cannot do this or that so soon.”

Sometimes others are there to really help us to notice that we are not moving in healthier ways and they may be right. But at other times…this is just their agenda that doesn’t fit for us.

Although it is not wise to make major decisions when grieving, we are each so unique. What may be helpful for one may not be for another. It is wise to listen to our friends and then decide for ourselves if their thoughts are true for us.

In my experience with people who grieve…everyone has different needs. Some may grieve in a healthier way than others. Still, we all heal in different ways and in a different amount of time, from our emotional pain. We understand that this is the way with our bodies; why wouldn’t it be the same with our souls?

Sometimes we pressure ourselves to move forward when we are not ready and need to slow ourselves down. At other times we get a bit stuck in our grieving process and need someone to help us to gently move from that place. Still others might have turned to addictions or other things to cope…and need to get some help to allow their pain in a healthier manner.

There is no perfect way to grieve. There are just ways that are more healthy than others. We just need to honor our own process and our own feelings. Then we can make healthy choices that are healing for our soul.

Blessings as you gently follow your heart.