It is important in this dance to let your grief lead you . It will show you the way to dance the dance without your loved one.

“How do I do this?” I hear you saying. I know I have said -”How do I do this?”- myself. We cannot know the next step until the next step presents itself. We can only be present to that part of the dance for that moment.

It is most comforting to me to think of the “Healer of My Soul” as leading my healing dance. I can then know with certainty that I will indeed dance my mourning dance and that it will move into a dance of living. When I trust this…my soul is comforted. I am not alone.

Yes. This promise is especially for us during these times. Sometimes it is hard to imagine that this is true…that we haven’t just been left on this earth to suffer alone.

I am here to just remind you that although this may be how it feels. The reality is that we are never left alone by the “the great healer of our souls.”

We are loved deeply always…and I truly believe that we are loved to the very core of our pain even more when we are hurting.

Trust this. Look for places that you might notice “your great healer”. When it seems like none can be found…listen to these words..”Lo I Am With You Always.”

Peace and comfort to you in these painful moments and days.

This is like our releasing into this grieving and letting go. We hang on, with all we have, to that precious life. The need to hang on is deep within our being. One day, it becomes time to let go. We let go, but not of the beauty of the life; but we let go of the depths of our pain. We allow…

First, there is a time where we hang on the branches of the tree. We are there quite a while. In time, our grieving changes, transforms into a different color. Later we allow our loved one to release into the ground.

As we release, room is made for new life. We can enter into life in a new way. The beautiful leaf of the life of our loved one is allowed to go into the ground. We open to new life .

All this takes time. This “allowing” does not happen immediately. It is a process, sometimes every so gently as a leaf; sometimes harshly like an ocean wave. In time we heal and in time we open. But first we must hurt.

May it comfort you to know that you will not hurt this deeply forever. One day you too will be able to allow and release. New life will come back to you…in time.

Peace to your struggle…
Peace to your grieving transformation…
Peace to your falling leaves…

Yet, you know there is a strange beauty in this barren time…in these desert moments. When death comes we are faced with the bareness in our souls and it draws us to our creator. It strips us of the clutter of our material world and just brings us back to our soul.

I hated the painful process of grieving the death of my daughter. But I did not hate the clarity that comes with that barren time. It was then where life seemed the most clear to me. Things just became crystal clear deep in my soul and I could see life so much clearer than I ever did before.

All one needs to do is become open to the gift in this barren time and often we cannot see it until it has past… That too is ok.

Peace to you in your painful barren moments. May you find the blessing of clarity in those times. May you experience the love of God in ways you normally never would during these times.

So what are we thankful for in the grieving process. This is a different kind of thanksgiving. This is a thanksgiving that is not full of joy that jumps around. This is often a joy that we need to look for, deep within us; past all our pain.

It is a deep peace. Although we hurt to the depths of our beings; we are not alone.

We can be thankful for the fact that the great “Healer of our Soul” does not leave us. The “Healer” is especially close to us when we are hurting. We can be thankful for friends who love us and hold us in our pain.

We can be thankful for those we still have with us. We can be thankful that although we can see no color in the autumn leaves at first, the color will and does return in time. We have been created amazingly. We have been created to heal.

And we can be so thankful for the love and life of the person who has now left us. For without them we would not be fully who we are.

Thank you God…even in the deep pain of my grieving. Thank you God for hope of better days and that you never leave me.

These are the days when the waves seem to wash over you just a little harder with no end in sight. These are the days when the tears just seem to want to flow without stopping. Possibly you feel like sobbing without stopping and you can find no tears left in you.

The statement is often made, “This has been a bad day”.

So what does one do when the days feel worse than usual and your heart feels like it is going to break into a million pieces on the floor?

These are the days to be gentle with you. These are the days to allow others to comfort you. These are the days to swim your way through in whatever way you need to.

These days will come and go, and over time there will be fewer and fewer of them. So be in your bad days and allow your grief. Allow your tears to heal you and allow others to help. For this is what these days are for.

Peace to you in the days when you feel like you cannot go on. Just know that the “Healer of your Soul” holds you just a bit tighter and closer on those days. You are not alone.

Of course you are. Grieving is not just about feeling sad and lousy. There are times when the sun shines on our grieving hearts for awhile and gives us a rest from our pain. It is during these times that we can find hope that one day life will return to our hearts.

It is during these moments that we realize that there is a point to living this life, even without our loved one.

These warm moments come and go, just like the difficult ones. We need both to heal. In fact if we only felt just sadness for too long we might find ourselves depressed.

So just allow both the sad and the “a bit more happy” moments in your process. Both will guide you. Both will heal you. Soon as you weave your way through your many different feelings you will find that you have woven a tapestry of color and life… even midst the pain of your loss.

Pain and sorrow, tears and joy…will all lead you to healing.

Most of us…even you…can put one very heavy foot before the other and move any ways. For the first while, every move can hurt when grief is so fresh with us.

Movement is important in the grieving process. It helps our grief to move. We need to move our bodies and as we do, our grieving souls begin to move.

We need to do some things even if our souls feel like they have been left behind. We may even need to force ourselves. Yet as we begin to move back into life… movement begins to feel easier.

I am a strong believer that as we move our bodies…our souls heal…even when we don’t think they are. Sometimes when we move we find ourselves crying especially on a walk or a run.

So go to the movie or for a walk or a drive. You are going to hurt anyways. Move the grief in you so it can heal.

Some days are just as they are. Some moments are just as they are. We have moments of “missing”. We have moments of laughter often followed by moments of extreme sadness. Then sometimes we experience an angry moment. Often these unexpected feelings come unawares, as if to sneak up on us.

These feelings are such natural parts of the grieving process although it sure may not feel like it at the time. Sometimes folks even feel like they are going nuts with the different emotions that seem to be so intense. Some feel afraid that they are going crazy. I have heard this lots. Yet you are experiencing some very, very normal things and so you are in very, very good company.

When your emotions and feelings come and go like this. Just move with them. When you need to feel sad…just do so (a good cry is so very good for the grieving soul). If you need to be mad…then be angry (Just don’t hurt anyone else in the process). Move graciously with your grief, honoring your feelings and your process.

When you feel overwhelmed just remind yourself that this is normal. You will survive this. You will indeed heal in time, if you allow and honour your feelings. Just take your grieving feelings with a deep breath of patience. May you feel the closeness of the loving arms of the “Healer of your Soul” in these dark times.

Often in the grieving process, things change from one day to the next, one moment to the next. It is even difficult to answer the question - “How are you doing?” As you might be fine that moment (whatever fine is) and not really sure the next. It is really such an unpredictable experience. At least it feels like it.

Some feel so victim to their feelings and circumstances. Others feel hopeless in the helplessness of it all. You might seem to be able to take charge and make choices that are healthy and even happy one moment. In the next moment you might feel like you are just plain shipwrecked and definitely sea-sick.

Just know that these kind of feelings are very normal. Just be with each experience, and know that you will move through it; if you are being healthy in it. When you are sad…be sad. When you are mad…be mad. And so on.

Just don’t allow your sadness to take over your whole being; as you will be creating helplessness. Don’t allow your anger to bring you to the place where you hurt yourself or others. You have more control over this process than you think. Your mind is a very powerful friend in this process.

Try to find a balance in your grieving and you will find balance in your grieving, hurting soul.

* The next time your sadness overwhelms you…feel it for a time, then allow yourself to move into doing something that brings life to your soul (even if you don’t feel that it is possible). It is amazing how this movement can help your feelings move too.