Cope With Grieving

As the leaves fall, the trees are now pretty barren in our yard. How about yours? There is a bareness that waits to be covered up with the love of some soft snow. Grieving is the most barren time in our lives. It just doesn’t get any more bare.

Yet, you know there is a strange beauty in this barren time…in these desert moments. When death comes we are faced with the bareness in our souls and it draws us to our creator. It strips us of the clutter of our material world and just brings us back to our soul.

I hated the painful process of grieving the death of my daughter. But I did not hate the clarity that comes with that barren time. It was then where life seemed the most clear to me. Things just became crystal clear deep in my soul and I could see life so much clearer than I ever did before.

All one needs to do is become open to the gift in this barren time and often we cannot see it until it has past… That too is ok.

Peace to you in your painful barren moments. May you find the blessing of clarity in those times. May you experience the love of God in ways you normally never would during these times.

A few weeks ago, we had Thanksgiving weekend here in Canada. When people are grieving it is so very difficult to be thankful. Sometimes life can look pretty black. Even the fall colors can seem black. The branches of our lives can look pretty bleak.

So what are we thankful for in the grieving process. This is a different kind of thanksgiving. This is a thanksgiving that is not full of joy that jumps around. This is often a joy that we need to look for, deep within us; past all our pain.

It is a deep peace. Although we hurt to the depths of our beings; we are not alone.

We can be thankful for the fact that the great “Healer of our Soul” does not leave us. The “Healer” is especially close to us when we are hurting. We can be thankful for friends who love us and hold us in our pain.

We can be thankful for those we still have with us. We can be thankful that although we can see no color in the autumn leaves at first, the color will and does return in time. We have been created amazingly. We have been created to heal.

And we can be so thankful for the love and life of the person who has now left us. For without them we would not be fully who we are.

Thank you God…even in the deep pain of my grieving. Thank you God for hope of better days and that you never leave me.

I have heard much about the “bad” days people have when in their grieving. I remember them well. These are the days when things are worse than usual.

These are the days when the waves seem to wash over you just a little harder with no end in sight. These are the days when the tears just seem to want to flow without stopping. Possibly you feel like sobbing without stopping and you can find no tears left in you.

The statement is often made, “This has been a bad day”.

So what does one do when the days feel worse than usual and your heart feels like it is going to break into a million pieces on the floor?

These are the days to be gentle with you. These are the days to allow others to comfort you. These are the days to swim your way through in whatever way you need to.

These days will come and go, and over time there will be fewer and fewer of them. So be in your bad days and allow your grief. Allow your tears to heal you and allow others to help. For this is what these days are for.

Peace to you in the days when you feel like you cannot go on. Just know that the “Healer of your Soul” holds you just a bit tighter and closer on those days. You are not alone.

There arises the question from so many, “I found myself feeling happy again, for awhile today. Am I allowed to feel this way?”

Of course you are. Grieving is not just about feeling sad and lousy. There are times when the sun shines on our grieving hearts for awhile and gives us a rest from our pain. It is during these times that we can find hope that one day life will return to our hearts.

It is during these moments that we realize that there is a point to living this life, even without our loved one.

These warm moments come and go, just like the difficult ones. We need both to heal. In fact if we only felt just sadness for too long we might find ourselves depressed.

So just allow both the sad and the “a bit more happy” moments in your process. Both will guide you. Both will heal you. Soon as you weave your way through your many different feelings you will find that you have woven a tapestry of color and life… even midst the pain of your loss.

Pain and sorrow, tears and joy…will all lead you to healing.

I liken grieving to a dance. It is “a movement” not “a standing still”. You are moving with your feelings, your fears, your loved one who has gone. You are trying to release them…trying to find a new way to step without them.

It is important in this dance to let your grief lead you . It will show you the way to dance the dance without your loved one.

“How do I do this?” I hear you saying. I know I have said -”How do I do this?”- myself. We cannot know the next step until the next step presents itself. We can only be present to that part of the dance for that moment.

It is most comforting to me to think of the “Healer of My Soul” as leading my healing dance. I can then know with certainty that I will indeed dance my mourning dance and that it will move into a dance of living. When I trust this…my soul is comforted. I am not alone.

“Lo I am with you always,” Jesus says to us. Does this mean even now…when I feel so abandoned. When I feel so much grief I think my soul could burst. When the morning sun just reminds me of another day without my precious loved one. When the night time sky only reminds me of the one I go to sleep without.

Yes. This promise is especially for us during these times. Sometimes it is hard to imagine that this is true…that we haven’t just been left on this earth to suffer alone.

I am here to just remind you that although this may be how it feels. The reality is that we are never left alone by the “the great healer of our souls.”

We are loved deeply always…and I truly believe that we are loved to the very core of our pain even more when we are hurting.

Trust this. Look for places that you might notice “your great healer”. When it seems like none can be found…listen to these words..”Lo I Am With You Always.”

Peace and comfort to you in these painful moments and days.